Monday, April 7, 2014

Oh No, It's Monday!

A few years ago, all I needed to go into depression was seeing any word that started with M and I would freeze. Palpitations, fear, trembling, anxiety so that by the time Monday came, I was a complete mess, unable to function, missing out on the chance to be grateful for another day. 

Now as I see others struggling with same issues if going by status messages that go up on Sunday, then I realize I wasn't alone. So thought to share a few tips to beating Monday blues if you are one of those plagued by it. 

I set out by asking a few people in my network their thoughts on this and one poignant pattern emerged. The more successful the person was, the less likely they were to hate Mondays. The people who worked for themselves, were entrepreneurs or did jobs very closely related to their passion were almost never worried about Monday. I observed also there was a direct relationship between fatigue and blues. Another group of people dreaded first day of the week if they didn't get a chance to rest well over the weekend.

1. Change your mindset. A job is not a chore but a means to an end. Most people are working an 8 to 5 paid job not because it is their ultimate goal but because they need a way to raise capital for that dream. So put up a picture of your ultimate goal or dream somewhere visible and once that dread comes, focus on it to remind yourself why you are doing this. It may be to be able to afford that nice home with the fancy car in prime location, to start a business or passion or to send your kids to Ivy league schools better schools. Whatever it is, hold on to it tight as your motivating factor to look forward to Monday. 

2. Take control: confront your dread. I found that doing some work even if it's just reading new mails that came in over the weekend helped me feel more in control. The best way to overcome something is to face it heads on. 

3. Plan your wardrobe: there is no more effective pick me up than planning what you want to wear. You don't have to be in the entertainment sector or a celebrity to look drop dead gorgeous. Maybe Monday is that day to rock your hot red pumps with that LBD you were saving for a big meeting. If we are all actors in life and the word Is our stage , then the Your office is your stage for those working . Imagine yourself you the main act and so the show must go on. My instant pick me up is a crisp white shirt. With that, I can take on anything. 

4. Plan to inspire: there is someone somewhere who is counting on your expertise, knowledge, confidence and creativity to get through the day so get up and show up with your Game face on. 

5. Make your office fun. If you have your own office space , put little things that will give you a sense of home. Now most people have to put up with boring open plan offices but You can put a picture of your ideal office or favorite destination in your work space or screen saver to cheer you up. 

6. Exercise: Motion and emotion are very closely linked. There is no way you can be down after a good run or work out. Exercise gets your blood pumping and adrenalin rushing to give you the kick to face the day. 

7. Positive: speak into your day, surround yourself with cheerful people if you can. If I am feeling blue, I gather my team for a motivational session. I find that if I Inspire others, it overflows back to me. Crake a joke, have a laugh.

If you haven't beat the blues after all these, then imagine a Monday when you have no job and everyone else is out and about doing their business. That should be enough to get you cracking ! 

Thursday, July 18, 2013

How to be 'A' RATED

  • 1.      Identify your passion and live it
  • 2.      Do something, move either way, win or lose at least you tried
  • 3.      Read, read, read everything about your subject matter and about your area of interest
  • 4.      Invest in resources, materials to assist you in reaching your goal
  • 5.      Do not be afraid to confront situations head on
  • 6.      Be decisive
  • 7.      Be outspoken and challenge the status quo
  • 8.      Never let yourself be intimidated by any situation or anyone
  • 9.      Never stand for injustice
  • 10.  Check and double check your work before you send out
  • 11.  Work harder than everyone else then work smart
  • 12.  Be audacious within reason
  • 13.  Develop strength and  stamina for herculean tasks ahead
  • 14.  In helping others with their problems, you may just uncover a secret that can revolutionize the world
  • 15.  Seek out others less privileged  than you, mentor and inspire them
  • 16.  Have an amazing work ethic
  • 17.  Know  a little about  everything : You never know when it will come in handy
  • 18.  Ask questions when in doubt; you can never be lost
  • 19.  Have a sense of fairness, equality and justice
  • 20.  Be a change agent
  • 21.  Be totally excellent
  • 22.  Never compromise on your standards. If anything, seek continuous improvement
  • 23.  Dress immaculately, leave an impression
  • 24.  Stand up for truth in the face of criticism and ostracism
  • 25.  Be curious; you will uncover new truths
  • 26.  Never fear change; it is constant and must happen
  • 27.  Don’t take yourself too seriously
  • 28.  Stand out, be different
  • 29.  Have integrity ,Do exactly what you say you will do
  • 30.  Know your limits, then ignore all of them

It's not good enough to be just  good . You have to be FANTASTIC to be A rated. The world is your oyster!

Navigating the bumps

While at University:

Dear lecturer,
4 years into my degree programme and I still do not understand what you are talking about. However I can see the end  in sight so I will try to endure. Please just try not to give me any other “F”s so I don't have an extra year as a whole new world awaits me in the corporate world where I can act important, wear smart dresses and tailored suits in return for a fat pay check. I am sure all you have been teaching has no application in real world so I do not really need to listen to your boring lectures. The world awaits me.

After graduation:

Dear recruiter,

I graduated from university about 3 years ago with not so good grades from an equally not so good university. I completed my NYSC as demanded by my country but whilst in my place of primary assignment, no one would teach me anything or let me use equipment or work tools.  Everything was too important and confidential to be shared and everyone was too busy to care about me. So I was relegated to making photocopies, carrying files around from table to table or buying food for my superiors at work. Suffice to say it was one year of my life wasted. Now  I am on the job market with no skills, no experience, half baked qualifications and no creativity or innovation to create wealth through means other than paid employment.  How do I get a job when all these odds are stacked against my favor?

Then you get lucky:

Dear Boss,
I have been in this same position for 5 years without a promotion or salary raise doing the same mundane task day in day out?  No one told me it would be like this. This whole corporate world is not as cranked up as I thought. Most days I feel like a fraud as I go to work for I know my role is not so important but I guess it beats being on the job market again. It is bad enough I wasted so much time between graduation and now and at this rate, I would still be working when using my Zimmer frame. I do not even see how this role fits into the big picture yet I have to leave home at 5.30pm to get to work before 8pm and then close after you have finished fraternizing with your clients during work hours and you return with impossible deadlines which must be completed before I head home. You call it networking, I call it faffing around.  I want to quit but if I do, I know my chances of getting another job are slim to none seeing that there is a multitude of “Job seekers” out there so unfortunately I have to put up with this dead end job . I am already doing most of your work as it is all under the guise of 'delegation'. Please free me.

Then finally promotion comes:

Dear colleague,
I am well aware of your backstabbing and politics. Late nights at the chairman's house, attending every function,  politicking and “politricking”, playing dirty just to get ahead. You spend all your time coming up with schemes on how to fault my strategy or ideas just  to get ahead. Be warned, there is only room for one at the top. 

Sounds familiar?  Most of us have some if not all of these emotions at some point in life. Is it then right to say it may have nothing to do with your job , boss or the economy but everything to do with your attitude and approach to life? 
But what if your letters read like  this:

While at University:

Dear lecturer,
I find the whole theory of molecules quite challenging but I am keen to understand it. It would be a shame to spend 4 years and leave without making sense of this. Can you refer me to books or other materials I can read up to better aid my understanding of these complex topics? Or better still let me Google it and see what comes up. I may find videos that will help me visualize this and then I can come back with questions. I would also like to know the top performers in class so I can go to them for explanations . Truth is, I may not know how practicable these courses are in terms of real life applications, but since no knowledge is wasted, I hope to make the best of this season of structured learning.

After graduation:

Dear recruiter,
I graduated from university and I am currently unemployed but hopeful for the future. In my time away from work, I have used the chance to learn a new skill, done some free online courses and I have also volunteered at a start up company helping out with customer services and admin stuff so I can learn about the work place. While I do not have all the relevant skills for this job, I can assure you I am quite teachable and  hungry for an opportunity. I am reliable, have a positive attitude to life and I am the kind of person who  you can train, coach or mentor for the future. Give me a chance to add value to myself and to the organisation.

Then you get lucky:

Dear Boss,
I have been in this same position for 5 years without a promotion or salary raise. In my time here I have contributed to the growth of the department's revenue and  improved operational excellence by reducing turnaround time for deliverables and clients. I have worked on several successful projects and I was pivotal in completion of project Arise within timescale and budget. My efforts resulting in increase in scope of work resulting in more revenue. for the company.
I have also completed my certification exams and sponsored myself on  several role and industry related trainings. I therefore believe I am most suitable for the next level, challenges and responsibilities within the organisation and I would like to be considered for it. I am happy to do it in an acting capacity for a probationary period to demonstrate I am most suitable for this role.

Then finally promotion comes:

Dear colleague,
I am a strong advocate of collaboration not competition. It builds successful teams and businesses. I am happy to assist you with challenges you are facing as my core competence is in relationship management while I can leverage on your strong financial background. Together we can be formidable and be the A team.  Can we meet over lunch and discuss in more details how we can collaborate  for success?  See you on top!

Remember what differentiates you from another person in the same predicament is how you react to a situation. It's all about your perspective. You can determine a positive outcome through a positive outlook.  Be in charge, keep positive, have faith, see the glass as half full,  do what you can and always hope for the best. Cheers to 2013.

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Please No...........Don't do this

I am angry, very! Angry that men who were created in the image and likeness of God, to protect, provide, be a covering for women would abuse those same women entrusted into the care. What kind of man decides he must forcefully rape a woman who turns down his advances? What kind of man drugs a woman and takes advantage of her? hat kind of man inflicts such pain on one so helpless just for a few minutes of pleasure?

Women from war torn countries speak of brutality, rape and abuse at the hands of their own armies or enemy army, life's shattered never to be the same.

Women all over the world speak of going on dates with admirers and waking up to see themselves naked and raped.

Women speak of going home late and being assaulted by a stranger on the road.

Family mourn the loss of their daughters, raped and beaten to death.

Oh the fear- unwanted pregnancy, HIV, STD, injury but none more scary than the life sentence of the mental pain inflicted that never goes away.

Such women developing a warped sense of morality, struggling to differentiate between wrong and right, somehow believing they brought it on themselves, Feeling dirty, used and worthless.

Who can help? One does not know whom to trust or turn to. Hopelessness abounds....who can help?

Then God's word's, pure as silver melted and purified by fire: His grace is overcome, to heal, to deliver, to restore , to save......

What to do:
  •  Never ever go on dates with men not known to any reliable and trustworthy person.
  • Investigate your date. You won't believe how much information is available out there if you just dig a little.
  • If you must, go to places where you will be seen by others.
  • Do not accept drinks already open.
  • Do not leave your drink left unattended.
  • Do not follow a stranger home or to an obscure location.
  • When in doubt, take a friend as a chaperone.
  • Do not stay out late if using public transport except accompanied by others.
  • Flirting can be misconstrued as a come on signal, avoid it.
  • Do not dress provocatively. Less is more.
  • Make sure someone else knows where you are and who you are going out with.
While you cannot predict or control someone else's behaviour, you can put yourself out of harm's way. Show yourself some love by protecting yourself.

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Worthless offense .. Fickle Treasures

3rd of June, she got into an argument with her husband, and by the time they where half way through, she started wishing he had stayed a little longer at Abuja from where he just returned, after being away from home for 1 week.

30 minutes later, he was headed out the door, needed to get out and sort out “more important matters” that have been left pending in his absence rather than sitting at home and arguing  with her…”women and their wahala!”, he must have thought.

She was so upset! Offense had found a seat in her heart! Etching deeply! “How can he say that to me!! How can he think that of me??” …The stage was set for the play of the week…. “RENOVATION OF BODY PARTS – cold
shoulder… long face…pouted mouth….bitter heart…hard head and rolling eyes!” 

10 minutes after he drove off, confirmed reports filtered in, indicating that there had been the fatal airplane crash that had just taken the lives of 153 people, coming from Abuja to Lagos!!

Goodness!! “It could have been him!! It could have been anyone” she thought! At that instant, nothing else mattered but that her husband – her love, was alive and well, safe and sound back home!! Alive enough to  be annoying! Alive enough to have a fight with!! Alive enough to reconcile with! Text messages had never been typed this quickly  - Her message read ; “Thank God you are back home! Thank God you are alive! What would I do if I ever lost you!... sorry about the argument, I just realized that I misunderstood what you were trying to say. Please let’s forget about it and move on. I’m just happy that you are back safe and sound, every other thing is trivial. Life is the most important! It’s a gift from God.. I love you so much…”
And she meant every word of it! Because set side by side with issues of life and death, the cause of the offense harbored became so irrelevant! So worthless!

It got me thinking, 
how many times have we held on to issues and nurtured offense in our heart like a mother would a child
 How many times we have helped to water, cultivate, and bring to harvest the seed of offence that had been laid in our hearts 
Oh, how many times we have deprived ourselves of the joy and weightlessness that forgiveness brings!
For On that Day, when we all shall stand before our Master, all the issues of life as we know it, will be like “NOTHING”!
All our hustles, bustles, hassles, deals, runs,” levels”,“swagger”, everything will equal to NOTHING –
 It is then that we will know that “nothing” is actually a sum total of some things! 
Things of no spiritual relevance multiplied by infinity equals to nothing!

Permit me to make a preposterous statement! 
Heaven is only for the Rich!! Yes o, I said it!
Permit to clarify my  statement; God who will judge our wealth level, has his own standard of judging wealth; “ for His ways are not our ways”.
It won’t be “Your acct 1234567678 has been Credited With N50,000,000 On 31—May-12, 12:01pm by XXX. Bal:=  N 101,000,00”
Far from it, it would be an assessment of treasures that cannot be quantified by human systems! 
Heavenly Treasures that are immune to moth, rust, theft and fluctuations of economic systems;
Remember, for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also..

And so, out of the ashes of these tragic events, let us rise
and walk in Newness of Life!

Walk in Grace, Live by Faith, 
Dwell in Joy, Have divine Peace,  
Walk in righteousness, Believe God for the impossible, 
Practice forgiveness, Be anxious for nothing (but with Thanksgiving make your request known on to God),
Be prepared for War (for we wrestle not against flesh and blood), 
Put on your whole armor of War, Walk in Victory, be the Overcome you have been called to be, Rule and Reign like the King you are,  
Release offense, Play the fool (for He uses the foolish things of this world to confound the wise)….

Life at best is brief…. In an instant, with a crash, a bang and a boom, All that we could see, GONE!
What counts now is all that we can’t see…”For what is seen is  temporal, but what is unseen is  eternal” 
Get over yourself already! Ask for the grace  Live the Christ-like life! Aka the “Love-life”
Stop being impatient!
Stop those acts of wickedness
Stop being jealous!
Please do not brag and stop all the “formings”
Stop being rude, selfish and self-centered too!
Why are you easily irritated and resentful? Always keeping record of wrong doings!
Stop condoning evil and start standing for and rejoicing in truth!
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
Love stands the test of time;
Love never fails!! It lasts forever! It never ends!

How blessed are we to be offended, for it is the priceless
opportunity to exercise Divine Forgiveness…
May the Grace of God, rest and abide with us now and

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Loss of lives from the Dana Air Crash: A COLLECTIVE FAILURE

It is easy to blame Dana air management if it makes us all feel better but directly or in directly we as citizens of this failed state Nigeria play a role when disaster like this happens.

The Government: That certifies unfit planes or equipments discarded by other nations as fit for use, that is too busy looting to apportion funds and resources to the agencies (NEMA , NCA) That ought to have led the rescue operations.

Dana Management: For their greed and irresponsibility resulting in corporate manslaughter. Average cost of dana ticket is N18K. For 145 passengers, total revenue generated from that flight was less than N2.7Million! Was that money worth losing so many people for , families wiped out, dreams killed?

Dana Employees: Who all knew that flight had a problem and did not have the guts to stand up to the management that asked them to fly because no one wants to rock the boat.I don’t know much about aviation protocol but can a pilot not refuse to fly a plane? Does he see the safety records and maintenance checks done? I remember once a Virgin Atlantic flight to London was cancelled after we boarded. Crew members of Nigerian Airways saw us seated waiting for a bus to take us to a hotel asked us why and when we told them we were told there was a bird in the engine , they all burst out laughing, saying that if it was their flight, they would have been asked to fly on a faulty engine! DANA IS NOT THE ONLY AIRLINE THAT WAS AND IS STILL DOING THIS.

Nigerian Citizens: Who obstructed whatever rescue operations that could have been done by crowding the place just to take pictures and stare. I know some were trying to help but they are not trained or equipped for a situation like this and by being there hindered rescue operations.

Private Sector: In a country where private citizens own jets, helicopters and move around with ambulances etc, does it mean not even 1 multinational could have assisted in whatever capacity? I know they have no jurisdiction but when lives are involved is that the time for bureaucratic red tape or following due process? Was any attempt even made if for nothing to put out the fire quickly or did everyone just sit helpless?

So while we all blame Dana, until we all start being involved in our little way, nothing will change. The government has failed us but should we also fail ourselves? Today it is a plane crash but look within and around us and see areas where our lackadaisical attitude, nonchalance and ‘Look the other way if it does not affect us attitude’’ may has or can cause loss of lives.

Nothing can bring back Ayoola Somolu,other passengers on board and all the other people at home who died as a result of negligence, careless, irresponsibility but they should not have died in vain. Let this be a wake up call for us all because it could have been anyone of us.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Did I marry the right Person???

Interesting reading by Mort Fertel-World class marriage counsellor. Thot to share.

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, 'How do I know if I married the right person?' I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, 'It depends. Is that your husband?' In all seriousness, she answered 'How do you know?' Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind. Here's the answer:

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse/partner. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies (unconventional behavior/habit). Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called 'falling' in love... Because it's happening TO YOU. People in love sometimes say, 'I was swept of my feet.' Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU. Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience.

But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria (excitement) of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage. At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, 'Did I marry the right person?'

And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):


SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't 'find' LASTING love. You have to 'make' it day in and day out. That's why we have the expression 'the labor of love.' Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work. Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage. Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable. .. you can

Remember this always:
'God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go.'
This is a very good article. Those who are still single may learn something from here... Those who are already married may take it as a guideline to improve your marriage & relationship.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

The Gold Digger in Me

Article below was written by certain lady. Some aspects I agree with while some, I am still trying to decide but all in all makes for good reading so thought to share.

Every woman is a Gold digger. We just use different tools, some use cranes, some tractors, others straws and the rest, spoons. (Glory Edozien, 2009)

The above statement was once my Facebook status message and I sincerely doubt that my profile page has been any busier after that day.

When I was younger I believed in unconditional love.I dated guys with empty pockets, stingy dudes who would rather pretend to be broke than loan their mother 10 bucks. But it didn’t matter to me. Everything I have ever wanted, I have bought with my own money. So whether a guy spent money on me or not, had a good car or not, or lived with his parents at the age of 30, I wasn't bothered. Instead I believed in ‘building with my man’. The naïve little girl in me actually believed that ‘if you are with a man when he has nothing, he will always remember you when he has something’.

Fast forward a couple of years and throw in the speed bumps and punches of life, and I am a completely different person. Well maybe not totally different, just wiser and smarter. Wise enough to know that a stingy man in his 30’s will be an even stinger man in his 40’s and that the only loyal mammals on earth are dogs not humans. Smart enough to realize that it is important for a man to have his own things and be financially capable of taking care of me and our future children and not be ashamed to let him know that his ability to fulfill those roles impact greatly on our relationship.

Let’s be honest girls, men waste no time in letting us know what they want in the kitchen or in the sack. They don’t bat an eyelid when they say ‘oh this girl is not my type’, ‘she is too fat’, ‘she is too thin’, ‘she isn’t yellow enough’, ‘she can’t cook’, ‘I don’t like her mother’, ‘she is an aje butter’. So why is it that when we are seeking to legitimately secure our future and those of our children we are automatically labelled derogatory terms such as ‘gold digger’.

However with every good bunch of grapes there is always the sour one which makes you think the rest maybe just as bad! Take for instance a guy I went on a date with some time last year (lets call him Uche). We met up at a swanky bar in London and he was absolutely stunned when after scanning through the drinks menu filled with expensive drinks that I opted for lemonade (£5.60) instead of something pricier. He told me of a girl who he had met for the first time at a similar priced bar who had ordered a bottle of Louis Roederer Crystal Rose Champagne on his tab—a £500 bottle of champagne. Although he claimed he could easily afford it, he made it clear to her that he thought it was outrageous for her to order such an expensive drink. The poor girl was so embarrassed she changed her order to a bottle of mineral water!
Another friend of mine recently broke up with his girlfriend because, as he put it, ‘he was tired of being her daddy’. According to him she asked him for everything under the sun. Money for hair extensions, cloths, bags, shoes, petrol, make up and would get very upset or even withhold ‘extracurricular affairs’ if he delayed payment. The final straw came when she bought a set of matching gold earrings, necklace and bracelet worth N450,000 and sent the trader to his office to harass him for the money!

So yeah, I agree. There are ‘some’ girls who put the ‘gold’ in gold digger but these are extreme cases. Most regular women folk aren't walking around like the devil, seeking a man’s money to devour! They just want to be sure their man can afford to take care of them and will happily supplement his income to ensure the smooth running of the home. However, in today’s relationships where the woman is already playing wife while she is girlfriend (cooking, cleaning and bedroom duties), I think it’s only fair for the man to start playing husband too.

Every man should take pride in being able to afford to take care of his woman. Personally I cannot be with a man who does not see me eye to eye on this issue and I am not ashamed to say so. Nowadays before I date a guy he must pass the financial acid test. Good job, good car, nice flat, generous with dollops of ambition and drive! Gone are the days were I was fasting and praying for a man to buy his first car only for him to put another woman in the front seat. And ahh, my mother didn’t raise no fool! I will fast and pray with you for that promotion, while the AC of your current car is blowing me in the face. I will get up and seek the Lord early in the morning for his salary increase when I have recovered from our romantic getaway in Dubai . I will cook the best tasting Egusi soup known to man while I am in his fully fitted kitchen and furnished home. I will hold his hand through all of life’s ups and downs while he treats me like the princess I deserve to be.

And if all this makes me a gold digger, then I’ll say it loud and hard, I am digging for gold and I’m proud!

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

and she had an affair!

Was it lust,boredom, a need for revenge or pure stupidity or maybe it was just adventure? She was married, had a loving husband,beautiful kids, a happy enough home,great job and most of all she loved the Lord,yet she did.Without fear,without remorse for at least 6 month.She said it was passionate,mad,crazy just like in the movies-clearing stuff on the table,rammed up against the wall,obscure corners,dirty talk on phone. She said it was worth every second of it, but she would never do it again. Oh,he was married too and she knew his wife!

Now what scared me was she found it hilarious,she thought it was funny,she had no remorse.She said she found him attractive and could not resist so who is to say she won't do it again when she meets another attractive guy?

I have learnt time and time again not to be quick to judge or vouch for anyone cos sometimes even the most sensible people do the most stupid things. Makes me then realise that if not for the Grace of God,where would we be. That a person is able to resist temptations,act right at all times and do sensible things is purely by God's grace.

Monday, November 16, 2009

What chance does the Mrs have?

Kiki was not too pretty,not too tall,not posh,not too shapy.Infact Kiki was average in a lot of things but Kiki had one thing going for her,Kiki had perfected the art of taking care of a man preferably another woman's man.

So one day,i visit Kiki at home.She is cooking-asu waiting for the Mr,the one who gets off work and instead of heading home heads to the ''other woman's'' arms. Her phone rings and he says he is 10 minutes away from her place. Off she runs upstairs, quickly showers,changes into a sexy top,sprays room fragrance and slips an Anthony Hamilton CD into her CD player.Off goes the lights,on comes the scented candles adorning the walls of the room.

So in walks Mr tired from work to a nice smelling room,a glass of wine and freshly made asu, nice romantic atmosphere created and a woman whose only duty is to cater to the needs of his loins.

and i sat there and had an epiphany-it is never quite jazz when a man walks away from his wife to the other woman.Sometimes she just appears more exciting cos she does not have to contend with the day to day hassle of having a career,running his home and caring for kids which leaves her little or no time for anything else let alone dressing sexy and lighting candles.

But what the other woman forgets is that what goes around comes around,so when she does succeed in making him leave his wife for her and she now becomes the Mrs possibly,she would also lose the ability to do what made her the other woman he spent quality time with and she now becomes the ''Mrs'' who never sees her husband.

So 'mrs', you might never really have the time or liberty to cater to your man like ''her' but you can try. It's you he once loved,thought good enough to make the mother of his kids so wake up and take your position. You might not light candles but you sure can listen to how his day was,you might not have time to change to sexy clothes cos he walked in while you were breastfeeding or doing juniors homework but when you do get to the bedroom,why wear a boring nightie? Inplace of Anthony Hamilton, what if he hears you with your voice raised in prayer to JC for Him, your home and his success? What's more sexy than that?

Wake up and do your thing. Like i say, die trying, marriage is a life long project. Plan and execute it in stages, changing, adapting, raising the bar until you get what makes your home a sanctuary of joy, peace and love.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

What do men really want?

Yea yea, ye another piece on what men want, need, how to keep him bla bla bla. I am of the school of thought that says that no formula works because people process information and situations differently based on bakground, past history etc so to put all in one box and label it is the first mistake to make. So instead of what men want, why not what and how does God expect us to behave? So:

1. Guy does not want a girl that sleeps with him on the first day-should it not be that as a child of God ,HE does not ever want you to sleep with a man you aint married to, why should he get the conjugal rights belonging to the one who was denied one extra rib to create you? Comon, it's only fair he get it not some loser who has done nothing to earn it.

2.Never lose your independence- that's a no brainer, are you his twin, did you come to this world together and i can assure you, he will cancel his plans with you in a sec to hang with the boys so why does your life halt cos you are dating? Have finished the assignment God sent you on? Have you created your legacy, have you impacted a life, become a change agent or you are waiting for him to come visit you so you can cook and clean up after him yet again when he has not even uttered 'M' let alone marriage to you?

and the list goes on.....

Don't misunderstand me, i am all for nurturing your relationship so it matures into something fruitful but at what price? What about just being like the Proverbs 31 virtuous woman? Should that be the standard we should attain regardless of status? Which right thinking man would see that Virtous woman and not desire her? so for me, it is not realy about him and what he wants but what we need to be that we might glorify JC with our lives.

I do know one thing, men are hunters by nature and trust me even when you are not following any of the laid down rules, principles, dos and donts etc, he will find you somewhere, somehow so why not just be yourself, enjoy the time God has given you to be single and just get to a place where he becomes a bonus to who you are and not the main price.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Can Martians and Venites just be friends?

Boy meets girl, boy never makes any advances or shows any untoward interest towards anything more than frienship with girl.

One day, Boy calls girl and says i have a surprise for you. Keep your day free. Girl gets all dolled up. They drive to a house in L1 and right behind is a speed boat parked and rearing to go! Off they go to a private beach house miles away from town. White sand, soft music, quad bikes, bufffet spread with every delight you can find plus botlles of rose moet to go.

So now tell me, what should a girl think? Is he interested or not? Can a man and woman ever really be friends without one perosn having an ulterior motive or getting romantically involved? My mum can be a bit old school on this issues and she firmly believes male and female cannot be friends. I don't know-yet to figure that one out ut i do have a ton of male friends and so far we are just still friends.

i really dk.

The other Brotha

A friend sent me this piece, thought to share it just incase someone out there has cold feet about ''the other brotha''

There was a time when light-skinned brothas were in...then it went to dark-skinned brothas being in...and going back and forth. But now it's the "other" brothas that's in. Tall, dark (features) and handsome is officially out. The "other" brotha is now in. Who is the "other" brotha? He's that short, not so attractive brotha that is always hollering at you. You know, the one you don't find attractive or tall enough.

If you are like me, you have often seen beautiful women with short and/or ugly (for lack of a better word) men and asked yourself "why?". Even beautiful women like Janet Jackson with Jermaine Dupri or Beyonce Knowles with Jay-Z. They like me, have finally figured it out. It's the "other" (short, unattractive), brothas that treat you right.

Ask yourself this:

1. When was the last time Mr. Tall, Fine and Sexy looked you into your eyes and told you how beautiful you were or how special you were?
2. When was the last time Mr. Tall, Fine and Sexy gave you a back rub or a foot massage?
3. When was the last time Mr. Tall, Fine and Sexy bought you flowers?
4. When was the last time Mr. Tall, Fine and Sexy took you to a nice restaurant or spent some quality time with you...outside of spending time in the house/in the bed?
5. When was the last time Mr. Tall, Fine and Sexy said something sweet and impromptu to you?
6. When was the last time Mr. Tall, Fine and Sexy did something spontaneous and romantic?
7. When was the last time Mr. Tall, Fine and Sexy actually took an interest in you and the things you like?

There's a difference between someone asking you a question because they are interested and because they are being courteous. You should want him to be interested and not asking you "how's your day" out of routine and cordiality.

I bet some of you couldn't even tell me the first time Mr. Tall, Fine and Sexy did any of those things much less the last time.

What's more important to you - being with someone who looks good or being with someone who makes you feel good?

Now I am not saying go find you a brotha who's Biz Markie ugly, but give the "other" brotha a chance. The one that's in your office and always notice when you change your hair, your perfume, or get a new outfit. The one that always compliments you. The one that takes you by the hand and looks you in the eye and tells you that you are the most beautiful woman he has ever seen.

The "other" brotha on the internet (cause you know some of us meet brothas on the net) who writes you such lovely poems and sweet sentiments. Now be honest when was the last time Mr. Tall, Fine and Sexy said or did anything that made you feel like the Queen you are? Leave Mr. Nonchalant, Nonaffectionate, Nonappreciative alone and get with the "other" brotha.

I am 36 and I have spent 20 years looking and spending (scratch that), wasting my time with Mr. Tall, Fine and Sexy only to be left feeling taken for granted, unappreciated, unloved to finally realize I am worth so much more than that. I finally gave the "other" brotha a chance and I am now wearing a 4-carat platinum ring on my finger.

Now you don't have to take my advice, but at least re-evaluate your current relationship/pattern.

And to all my brothas who read this email. Take heed. Especially Mr. Tall, Fine and Sexy, because for every compliment, back rub, foot massage, candlelit dinner that you don't do for the lady in your life...there's the "other" brotha who will.

Written by: Jocelyn Kane, soon to be Mrs. Jocelyn K. Arrington

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Lethargy in Babylon

There is no rest in Babylon....deadlines,targets,deliverable,KPIs,SLAs,performance, reports...the endless lingo of the corporate world that seeks to drain and squeeze every ounce of life and joy out of any zionite.

Is it only me who experiences this but do you feel sometimes like the more you give to meet with the demands placed on you by Babylon, the less results you get? When you exchange your time being watered by the fresh due of JC for time in board meetings, training sessions, listening to unreasonable clients and ever demanding bosses..Not that i am subscribing to laziness and a lackadaisical attitude to work but is it worth all the hassle. Appearing all glamorous on the outside but totally exhausted, drained and spent on the inside and having no time to appreciate the beauty of the world, existing and not living.

Won't we rather be in the place of rest and peace with JC, Changing lives, doing His will, trusting and being and knowing He will sort us out eventually.

Maybe someday, somehow, we will find the strength to walk away from Babylon!

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Mum to her daughters

I was going through mails looking for old pics and saw the very first mail my mum sent i and my sister after she learnt how to use a PC. It brought tears to my eyes again and so I share it....

Hello my Dear Daughters,

How are you girls doing? I hope great.

I know that right now all of you are busy at one stage in your lives or the other... either with your careers!, school!, travel!, relationships?,etc.

I just took out this time to let you know that i'm so so proud of you girls! You have been a source of Joy in our lives from the day you were born.

You girls have always been Shinning Stars, Princesses, Rare Gems, ROYALTY!

At times, I try to think to think of a time when either of you has caused your dad and i trouble or pain......................but you know what? That is like searching for a needle in a haystack! Not 1 memory of such!

I'm proud of you my Angels, I know that God would bless you with Men that would wake up every morning, thanking God that they have you for their wives! Men that would love you for who you are! Men that would see the most annoying things/flaws in you (if any) and love you for those same reasons, men that would be great husbands, wonderful fathers, lovely brother in-laws  caring son in-laws  super uncles etc! God fearing, wealthy decent, good looking men.

My darling daughters, just watch and see! Its a principle of life! It has no choice but to happen! Because "whatsoever you sow, that shall you reap". You have sown goodness into life, and from life you shall reap goodness and greatness.

I'm content as a mother, because I have fulfilled the scriptures "train up a child the way she should go and when she is old, she would not depart from it", and you, my daughters, have also fulfilled your part of the scriptures.........

I love you all,

With love,
Mom love

Worry to weariness.

I am worried about something. I never used to be worried about not being married for Jesus said i should not be anxious about anything but make my request known to GOD and that peace that surpasses all human understanding will trancede my heart and mind plus I actually do enjoy being single but lately i have become worried about not being worried that i am still single and somehow have now managed to get myself worked up about the whole thing.

Now what's a girl to do?I can't ask myself to marry me, i can't caox or strategize into marriage and i sure cannot trap anyone into marriage with me so that leaves me with one option?Wait upon the Lord. Most people say even when waiting i should be more proactive about it but how?

Go out more ...somehow i am one of those girls who guys never walk up to ask out..someone said i looked very unapproachable and it does not help i have a very expressive face so i wear all my emotions and thoughts on my face. Besides, there's hardly anywhere for christians to hang out here and it's like one big recycle bin , the usual suspects up to the same old thing..what a drag!

Keep an open mind- then i start getting innundated with phone calls at all times of day and night which really irritates me to a point of snapping

In church-Let's not even go there.Between being busy on sundays and being in leadership, smehow that combination deters any potentials

At work- pls read a previous post 'where art all the fine guys' and know there is no hope there.

Through friends-that one is story for another day

So what's a girl to do then? I honestly dk.

Friday, July 25, 2008


Of course God created the whole world and all that is within it. Those people who doubt should have stopped to think there is an intelligent design behind the make up of the human body that could not have been formed by any big bang theory.

Col 1:15-17 says “He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation.For by him all things were created; things in heaven and on earth , visible and invisible,whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities;all things were created by him and for him.He is before all things,and in him all things HOLD TOGETHER. ”

Watch the video and never doubt that God is our creator. I sure was wowed by this.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Facebook or Intrusion

Why do people send you friend requests when they were never really your friend?

Why do people on FB make silly and dry comments on your profile?

Why do people poke you on FB?

Why do people send you all sorts of requests, invitations etc

Why do people post weird status updates on their profile?

Why do people ssuggest their own friends to you like you don't know people who are your friends or how to find them if you really wanted to?

Why on earth would someone's first comment to you after not seeing or hearing from you in at least be 10 years be "so you are not married yet"?

Why would someone send you a friend invite if they have to reintroduce themselves to you?

Why Why Why?

Wednesday, December 12, 2007


Wow.............where do I start?

Not been near this blog in a month.Barely had a minute to catch my breath.

What have I been up to?

In the last 4 months, I have
  • Changed jobs
  • Been to the UK
  • Gotten involved in a project in church
  • Visited 10 Nigerian cities I have never been to before (and no it was not a pleasure trip)
  • Had a car engine pack up
  • Moved houses
  • Made up with a someone I have not spoken to in 3 years
  • etc etc etc
I honestly know not where to much has happened...real cocktail of events but one by one they will all come out.
Meanwhile,Update on naija men and mojo, two weeks ago, I went to have a meal with a friend(truly) and saw a bill board with the picture of this girl wearing a green dress.So typical female reaction I said I  liked the dress and thought it was very pretty. Now fast forward, 2 weeks later, the guy goes to the billboard, sketches the dress and takes it to Tiffany Amber to replicate.Madam TA refuses as she only makes her own designs so off he goes to another top notch designer called OM for short.OM says he would have to pay N175,000 for her to make the dress....I mean common.That dress could not have been more than 3 yards in total so what exactly was she charging for? Even the sales girls told him she was just trying to exploit him cos he sounded so desperate for the dress. I think that's a sweet gesture but why should anyone pay over $1000 for a dress when it's not Salvatore Ferregamo ? I hope he finds someone else to make it cheaper but it better be done in brotherly love as this girl ain't got anything to pay back with...abi? I will keep you posted on the dress and upload the pix if it comes.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Fine black brothers-Where art thou?

A friend sent me a mail yesterday about the lack of fine black guys in her office and just thought to share it.

She says:
i was just thinking, actually i was daydreaming whilst my 2hrs team meeting was going on. That should tell you how attentive i was in the meeting and how much i was enjoying it. Anyways as I was saying, i asked myself this question: 'where are all the nice, fit, intelligent, respectable, fine looking black guys? and why do I not have them in my office?' I've been out of university for over 5years and in full time employment since and not at one job did i ever share an office with a nice looking black brother. I was thinking, imagine if there was at least one, work would be so much better and i'm sure i'd love to come to work everyday and attend every meeting. no meeting will be boring if one of these guys was chairing or facilitating it.
Don't get me wrong, i'm not looking for a guy to date or have office romance with, neither am i looking for an office fling(oyinbo/brunnie style). not my style!
I just thought it'd make work a nicer place.

Okay maybe you're not getting it. Let's illustrate
Imagine the younger version of Denzel Washington for example. A black bro who has confidence, can hold his own, intelligent, God fearing and has a good head on his shoulder. Someone who either holds a managerial position or even a colleague in your office. Someone who knows his roots and not a coconut. Not someone who wants to date you but one to have intelligent conversations with.
would it not be nice to have someone like that around especially as we spend the majority of our live at work!

Question: Maybe it's because i'm in the public sector? Is there anyone out there that has such a guy in their office? Sometimes I see them on the train in the morning and i wonder what they do and who they work for? or maybe they're all in IT or some occupation that I don't know about.

Well that is my complain and i want some answers otherwise i'd start my campaign with full force - where are all the fine bros campaign!