and she had an affair!

Was it lust,boredom, a need for revenge or pure stupidity or maybe it was just adventure? She was married, had a loving husband,beautiful kids, a happy enough home,great job and most of all she loved the Lord,yet she did.Without fear,without remorse for at least 6 month.She said it was passionate,mad,crazy just like in the movies-clearing stuff on the table,rammed up against the wall,obscure corners,dirty talk on phone. She said it was worth every second of it, but she would never do it again. Oh,he was married too and she knew his wife!

Now what scared me was she found it hilarious,she thought it was funny,she had no remorse.She said she found him attractive and could not resist so who is to say she won't do it again when she meets another attractive guy?

I have learnt time and time again not to be quick to judge or vouch for anyone cos sometimes even the most sensible people do the most stupid things. Makes me then realise that if not for the Grace of God,where would we be. That a person is able to resist temptations,act right at all times and do sensible things is purely by God's grace.

What chance does the Mrs have?

Kiki was not too pretty,not too tall,not posh,not too shapy.Infact Kiki was average in a lot of things but Kiki had one thing going for her,Kiki had perfected the art of taking care of a man preferably another woman's man.

So one day,i visit Kiki at home.She is cooking-asu waiting for the Mr,the one who gets off work and instead of heading home heads to the ''other woman's'' arms. Her phone rings and he says he is 10 minutes away from her place. Off she runs upstairs, quickly showers,changes into a sexy top,sprays room fragrance and slips an Anthony Hamilton CD into her CD player.Off goes the lights,on comes the scented candles adorning the walls of the room.

So in walks Mr tired from work to a nice smelling room,a glass of wine and freshly made asu, nice romantic atmosphere created and a woman whose only duty is to cater to the needs of his loins.

and i sat there and had an epiphany-it is never quite jazz when a man walks away from his wife to the other woman.Sometimes she just appears more exciting cos she does not have to contend with the day to day hassle of having a career,running his home and caring for kids which leaves her little or no time for anything else let alone dressing sexy and lighting candles.

But what the other woman forgets is that what goes around comes around,so when she does succeed in making him leave his wife for her and she now becomes the Mrs possibly,she would also lose the ability to do what made her the other woman he spent quality time with and she now becomes the ''Mrs'' who never sees her husband.

So 'mrs', you might never really have the time or liberty to cater to your man like ''her' but you can try. It's you he once loved,thought good enough to make the mother of his kids so wake up and take your position. You might not light candles but you sure can listen to how his day was,you might not have time to change to sexy clothes cos he walked in while you were breastfeeding or doing juniors homework but when you do get to the bedroom,why wear a boring nightie? Inplace of Anthony Hamilton, what if he hears you with your voice raised in prayer to JC for Him, your home and his success? What's more sexy than that?

Wake up and do your thing. Like i say, die trying, marriage is a life long project. Plan and execute it in stages, changing, adapting, raising the bar until you get what makes your home a sanctuary of joy, peace and love.

What do men really want?

Yea yea, ye another piece on what men want, need, how to keep him bla bla bla. I am of the school of thought that says that no formula works because people process information and situations differently based on bakground, past history etc so to put all in one box and label it is the first mistake to make. So instead of what men want, why not what and how does God expect us to behave? So:

1. Guy does not want a girl that sleeps with him on the first day-should it not be that as a child of God ,HE does not ever want you to sleep with a man you aint married to, why should he get the conjugal rights belonging to the one who was denied one extra rib to create you? Comon, it's only fair he get it not some loser who has done nothing to earn it.

2.Never lose your independence- that's a no brainer, are you his twin, did you come to this world together and i can assure you, he will cancel his plans with you in a sec to hang with the boys so why does your life halt cos you are dating? Have finished the assignment God sent you on? Have you created your legacy, have you impacted a life, become a change agent or you are waiting for him to come visit you so you can cook and clean up after him yet again when he has not even uttered 'M' let alone marriage to you?

and the list goes on.....

Don't misunderstand me, i am all for nurturing your relationship so it matures into something fruitful but at what price? What about just being like the Proverbs 31 virtuous woman? Should that be the standard we should attain regardless of status? Which right thinking man would see that Virtous woman and not desire her? so for me, it is not realy about him and what he wants but what we need to be that we might glorify JC with our lives.

I do know one thing, men are hunters by nature and trust me even when you are not following any of the laid down rules, principles, dos and donts etc, he will find you somewhere, somehow so why not just be yourself, enjoy the time God has given you to be single and just get to a place where he becomes a bonus to who you are and not the main price.

Can Martians and Venites just be friends?

Boy meets girl, boy never makes any advances or shows any untoward interest towards anything more than frienship with girl.

One day, Boy calls girl and says i have a surprise for you. Keep your day free. Girl gets all dolled up. They drive to a house in L1 and right behind is a speed boat parked and rearing to go! Off they go to a private beach house miles away from town. White sand, soft music, quad bikes, bufffet spread with every delight you can find plus botlles of rose moet to go.

So now tell me, what should a girl think? Is he interested or not? Can a man and woman ever really be friends without one perosn having an ulterior motive or getting romantically involved? My mum can be a bit old school on this issues and she firmly believes male and female cannot be friends. I don't know-yet to figure that one out ut i do have a ton of male friends and so far we are just still friends.

i really dk.

The other Brotha

A friend sent me this piece, thought to share it just incase someone out there has cold feet about ''the other brotha''

There was a time when light-skinned brothas were in...then it went to dark-skinned brothas being in...and going back and forth. But now it's the "other" brothas that's in. Tall, dark (features) and handsome is officially out. The "other" brotha is now in. Who is the "other" brotha? He's that short, not so attractive brotha that is always hollering at you. You know, the one you don't find attractive or tall enough.

If you are like me, you have often seen beautiful women with short and/or ugly (for lack of a better word) men and asked yourself "why?". Even beautiful women like Janet Jackson with Jermaine Dupri or Beyonce Knowles with Jay-Z. They like me, have finally figured it out. It's the "other" (short, unattractive), brothas that treat you right.

Ask yourself this:

1. When was the last time Mr. Tall, Fine and Sexy looked you into your eyes and told you how beautiful you were or how special you were?
2. When was the last time Mr. Tall, Fine and Sexy gave you a back rub or a foot massage?
3. When was the last time Mr. Tall, Fine and Sexy bought you flowers?
4. When was the last time Mr. Tall, Fine and Sexy took you to a nice restaurant or spent some quality time with you...outside of spending time in the house/in the bed?
5. When was the last time Mr. Tall, Fine and Sexy said something sweet and impromptu to you?
6. When was the last time Mr. Tall, Fine and Sexy did something spontaneous and romantic?
7. When was the last time Mr. Tall, Fine and Sexy actually took an interest in you and the things you like?

There's a difference between someone asking you a question because they are interested and because they are being courteous. You should want him to be interested and not asking you "how's your day" out of routine and cordiality.

I bet some of you couldn't even tell me the first time Mr. Tall, Fine and Sexy did any of those things much less the last time.

What's more important to you - being with someone who looks good or being with someone who makes you feel good?

Now I am not saying go find you a brotha who's Biz Markie ugly, but give the "other" brotha a chance. The one that's in your office and always notice when you change your hair, your perfume, or get a new outfit. The one that always compliments you. The one that takes you by the hand and looks you in the eye and tells you that you are the most beautiful woman he has ever seen.

The "other" brotha on the internet (cause you know some of us meet brothas on the net) who writes you such lovely poems and sweet sentiments. Now be honest when was the last time Mr. Tall, Fine and Sexy said or did anything that made you feel like the Queen you are? Leave Mr. Nonchalant, Nonaffectionate, Nonappreciative alone and get with the "other" brotha.

I am 36 and I have spent 20 years looking and spending (scratch that), wasting my time with Mr. Tall, Fine and Sexy only to be left feeling taken for granted, unappreciated, unloved to finally realize I am worth so much more than that. I finally gave the "other" brotha a chance and I am now wearing a 4-carat platinum ring on my finger.

Now you don't have to take my advice, but at least re-evaluate your current relationship/pattern.

And to all my brothas who read this email. Take heed. Especially Mr. Tall, Fine and Sexy, because for every compliment, back rub, foot massage, candlelit dinner that you don't do for the lady in your life...there's the "other" brotha who will.

Written by: Jocelyn Kane, soon to be Mrs. Jocelyn K. Arrington

Lethargy in Babylon

There is no rest in Babylon....deadlines,targets,deliverable,KPIs,SLAs,performance, reports...the endless lingo of the corporate world that seeks to drain and squeeze every ounce of life and joy out of any zionite.

Is it only me who experiences this but do you feel sometimes like the more you give to meet with the demands placed on you by Babylon, the less results you get? When you exchange your time being watered by the fresh due of JC for time in board meetings, training sessions, listening to unreasonable clients and ever demanding bosses..Not that i am subscribing to laziness and a lackadaisical attitude to work but is it worth all the hassle. Appearing all glamorous on the outside but totally exhausted, drained and spent on the inside and having no time to appreciate the beauty of the world, existing and not living.

Won't we rather be in the place of rest and peace with JC, Changing lives, doing His will, trusting and being and knowing He will sort us out eventually.

Maybe someday, somehow, we will find the strength to walk away from Babylon!